My
learned friend Tony Tenore seems to have been uncharacteristically quiet this
term. This puzzled me for a while until the explanation dawned on me: there is
absolutely nothing funny that can be written or said about the B Minor Mass.
And if there were, it would probably be sacrilege to put it down on paper. To
confirm the point, I did a quick Google search for “B Minor Mass jokes” and
came up with nothing, except for one feeble limerick in poor taste. So with
Susan clamouring for copy for her excellent newsletter, I was faced with the
real prospect of letting her down. Until last Monday.
I
arrived nursing a cold, and was seriously considering sitting out the rehearsal
in the balcony. That is, until I realised that nearly everybody else in the
choir seemed to be coughing, spluttering and wheezing at least as much as I
was. With the concert on Saturday-week, this was serious. Yet the only person
still in rude health (or so it seemed) was my melodious friend Tony. I was keen to
find out how he’d escaped. “Simple” he replied. “Vitamin C. That’s all.” Had I
tried it? he pursued. Indeed I had, but those chewable tablets are pretty
revolting. His face brightened. “The orange-flavoured ones, yes. But have you
tried the blackcurrant ones you can
get in that emporium featured in the pantomime about a cat?” Since my father
used to grow masses of soft fruits, and made jam by the hundredweight (almost)
for four growing children, I needed no introduction to the gastronomic delights
of blackcurrants. But a vitamin C tablet is still a vitamin C tablet. “Not if
you take it with chocolate” persisted Tony. “Chocolate and mint isn’t bad”, he
continued, “and chocolate and orange is quite tolerable. But chocolate and
blackcurrant is exquisite! Try taking a blackcurrant-flavoured vitamin
C tablet with a small square of chocolate, and you’ll be hooked!” “Sort of …
« Vitamine C à la Forêt Noire »?” I suggested. So at the next opportunity, I
went down to Boots and got some of the said tablets, and a bar of chocolate,
and tried it. And indeed I can vouch that it was nothing less than heavenly.
What a shame the maximum recommended dose is only 2 tablets a day. So I
finished the chocolate. I can get some more tomorrow.
When
I next saw Tony, I asked him if he had any other culinary secrets up his
sleeve. “Well”, he replied, “if you accompany a bowl of mushroom soup with a
peanut butter sandwich, the peanut and mushroom flavours combine into something
almost exactly like Camembert cheese!” He barely finished his sentence before
pulling out a large hanky and sneezing into it loudly. If you ask me, he’s
heading for quite a nasty cold.
©Philip Le Riche, 2005
Return to the Random Jottings